Grits

Honor the woman you are

Hey, I am not just talking to the women out there -- this is a call to action for men, too. So keep reading. This is being played out in the workplace, in our communities and our world.

There is definitely something awakening in the collective consciousness right now. Just in the last week I have received three separate articles from friends (men and women) decrying the victimization of women here in the US. Before you dismiss these as "isolated" situations, read these articles and then think realistically about your own experience and where you have witnessed evidence of disrespect, intimidation, or objectification at work or in your community. Victimization of women is insidious and pervasive and it must be stopped.

The first article was an Op-Ed in the New York Times by well-known author Bob Herbert entitled "Why aren't we shocked?". He recounts mainstream examples of misogyny that we as a society not only accept but flaunt. But the tipping point for Herbert was the two violent attacks on the schoolchildren in Pennsylvania and Colorado. In both cases the killers separated the girls from the boys. Then they molested, shot and killed many of the girls.

Shocking as the attacks were, why, Herbert asks, was the nation not outraged at the blatant "genderism"? If the kids were separated by religion or race, we would have seen the attacks for what they were: out and out hate crimes, which would have catapulted our society into action against this bigotry. But....today there is nothing. There is a horrible context for these crimes, a terrible influence that is not being addressed.

In the same week in the New York Times was a kinda-sorta humorous column (with a depressing message) on trying to find an adult Halloween costume at Target, Wal-Mart and K-Mart. "Halloween on Heels" describes how, in three prototypical mainstream department stores the author, Alison Glock only found women's costumes that were over-the-top sexy/tarty versions of French Maid, Cheerleader, Tavern Lady, etc. Hello! These are not adult bookstores! What message are we sending to our girls...and boys?

There is one more article I want to share because this one, to me, identifies a particular source (by no means the only one) for violence against women and how it is played out on the global scene. This is from the Washington Post: Clothes Aren't the Issue. The author is Asra Q. Nomani and while she is writing specifically about Islam, the message is for all societies. She says, "As long as the beating of women is acceptable in Islam, the problem of suicide bombers, jihadists and others who espouse violence will not go away; to me, they form part of a continuum."

Ask yourself, "What are my sources for my behavior? What am I accepting or going along with?"

OK, maybe these are hitting me hard because I have been thinking a lot about an underlying dimension of the HP scandal (I wrote recently about the ethics violations) that has NOT been discussed. Carly Fiorina (fomer CEO) and Patricia Dunn (former Chairman) were both dismissed by a predominantly male Board of Directors who played -- by many accounts -- hardball politics.

Now, before you dismiss this as simply "life in the big city," think again about what are the typical characteristics of the rules in the "big city". In fact, Carly mentions in her recent autobiography that when she joined the sales department of another big company (as one of the few women) the salesmen took her to a strip club for lunch to see what she would do. She says she went along, sucked it up, didn't lose her composure and evidently earned the respect of her male colleagues as a result.

Huh? Don't you think it's time for the rules to change?

Any situation -- work, community, home -- where the standard operating rules are harsh, intimidating, disrespectful and humiliating, the rules MUST change.

Big order...change the rules, change society. Phew. How to start? Here is one woman's opinion. Start with yourself.

Think about the qualities of your favorite women-friends. The qualities they are never afraid or intimidated to express. I am talking caring, generous, sensitive, courageous, thoughtful, compassionate. There are way more. Now, of course these qualities are not exclusive to women. In fact, when I think about all the good qualities of women AND men I believe they all come from one Source, the Creator, the Spirit of all living beings. Therefore, we ALL possess these qualities and creations of Spirit. But more often than not, women have an easier time expressing these qualities.

But I must ACTIVELY honor these qualities, in order for them to be made evident by myself and valued by others.They are essential to the ongoing health of companies and societies. The success of a civilization most certainly depends on how it treats and honors its women. I will not allow myself or others to write off these qualities as weak or invaluable. I will look for ways to express more of them in my life and work. I will look for and value these qualities in others (men and women). I will look for the wholeness of men and women by seeing the equal importance of all of Spirit's good qualities.

The characteristics of disrespect, intimidation, cruelty, humiliation are not qualities of Spirit. Therefore I will not ignore or succumb to them wherever I see them. I will mentally counter them with the true and good qualities of woman+man. In my world -- and one by one, woman by woman in all the world -- the ugly, dis-Spirited characteristics will cease to have power over humanity.

Will you stand with me and honor the woman in you...and everywhere?

“This cannot be God’s way.”

In yesterday’s New York Times Magazine was a short story written by a Muslim Iraqi who was held hostage for several weeks in 2004. He was captured, along with two Italians, at the Italian office of a humanitarian organization. They were helping to rebuild schools, water-treatment plants and hospitals.

To me, in many ways this story sounds like others: Iraqi national kidnapped and tortured because he is working with the Westerners, which must mean (according to his captors) he is working against Islam. If he isn’t working against Islam, then he must be working against the Sunnis or the Shi’ites. Whatever, it is all bad. This guy, along with many other hostages, is definitely behind the eight-ball.

But this isn't only a story about being captured, tortured, released. 

This fellow, Raad Ali Abdulaziz, states right up front that all he wanted to do was make a difference.  His chosen path was through a job as an engineer, to help build/rebuild the infrastructure of his native country.

I wonder how many of us feel that compelling desire in our daily work, that yearning to help humanity in some way? From moving pebbles to mountains, it is all important – and most certainly needed, wherever we are and whatever career path we have chosen.

When Raad is challenged as to which side he is on – Sunni or Shi’ite – he says he is a Muslim who doesn’t believe in breaking up Islam that way...he might as well have said he didn’t believe in breaking up God that way.

The experience – and the two years following as he and his family left everything behind in Iraq to start over in Europe – are still painful to Raad. But he says that there is a memory that transcends all of it: during the most critical moments he had a “strange feeling” and that something told him that he would not die because he had an unfinished task.

To rebuild by being a better engineer? No, something even better.

Raad wants to work to make his voice louder than the voice of those who order Muslims to fight all infidels – those who do not believe in Islam. “This,” says Raad, “cannot be God’s way.”

I believe that what Raad heard in his deepest, darkest moments – and still hears – is what the Bible refers to as “the still, small voice” of God. This voice urges all of His children to do good for each other, to build – not destroy, to heal pain – not inflict, and to take a stand against the forces of destruction.

Are we listening like Raad is? Every day this voice speaks, urging each of us to make choices based on love and compassion for one another. Yes, this is the Golden Rule operating, sustaining, fulfilling.

For most of us, our daily choices are not global decisions, but they most certainly have an impact in our personal world, whether it is work, family or community.

Let’s each of us make our way one of love, hope, healing. This is God’s way.