"The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light."
This verse from Isaiah in the Bible has special meaning for me...and likely for anyone who has lived for a length of time in a sad, heavy and depressing state of mind. And then, as if awakening from a bad dream, the heavy darkness disperses. For some, a situation changes that makes the difference. For others, a mental shift occurs first and then the situation changes. That's what happened to me.
To me, Isaiah is speaking about the advent of the Christ or Messiah coming to the world to proclaim God's eternal, unconditional love for mankind. Each Christmas-time humanity turns to focus on this appearance and consider its meaning and blessing for individuals and the world. To me, the Christ is the divine nature of God that Jesus embodied...and showed mankind that each one of us can have this light of Christ too.
In the early days of the Web, I had an idea for a website that I thought was killer. My entire business career was in marketing, not technology, so the focus of my site idea was content and it responded to what I perceived was a real need at the time. Many others in the business and political communities also thought it had merit so I embarked on a long period of development. Along the way, my husband created another pretty cool website concept and we both became more focused on these two websites than our ongoing businesses.
Both of these Web concepts required months of travel to contract content partners as well as technology development and funding. With both sites, there was tremendous enthusiasm for the content -- but since this was the early days of web development, the technology was a major undertaking and perceived as a big risk, so funding was difficult.
The upshot was that after two years my husband and I were heavily -- I mean heavily -- in debt. Personal as well as business.
What should have been an exciting time became a very dark period. I prayed many times a day to know what to do next. I asked God, who I understand to be the Spirit and intelligence of all Life to give me direction. The most important and constant prayer for me was to affirm that I am God's loved child, so I have the light of Christ with me always. This light of goodness is abundant and cannot be obscured by my personal activities. How could I fail with the Christ within? I even asked God to show me the way OUT of these projects! I was totally willing to let go of "my" way and see Her way.
But that particular answer never came. Instead, there was daily guidance to meet immediate and basic needs...and to keep going. One thing I learned from this period is to be open to any answer, and not to outline one. Major life-lesson for me. But still this was a very heavy time...talk about walking in darkness! But one thing never left me: trust in God. (Ok,I wobbled many times :-)
At one point, I couldn't pay the minimum for all my credit cards. Anyone who has financed a new business with personal credit cards knows the constant stomach-churning each month to pay the bills. A spiritual idea came to me to be grateful to each of the credit card companies. Every one of them -- and the products that were on the cards -- represented a service that was a benefit to me. How could they be penalized for their best efforts because of me?
It seemed a little like a Catch-22 but I knew that God doesn't work that way...benefitting one and not another. Or allowing for a "domino effect" of misfortune. Not possible in God's universe of good: Unconditional, all-inclusive love is God's way.
What came to me was to call each of the credit card companies and ask what I could do. Each of them offered a very generous plan -- in some cases deferred payment for a few months, others a very reduced minimum amount. I was able to do this, with no effect on my credit rating. My burden was lightening.
Shortly after this, I was put in touch with a Web development company that was looking for content. In a very quick period this company bought our Web concepts (with shares from their company) and offered us employment. Modest salaries were enough to cover our daily needs....more light!
Since the company was purchased with stock, there was no money to pay off our business debts. That would come when the company went public or was sold. But I had learned the lesson of gratitude for services rendered. My vendors were not the "enemy" and neither was I to them. So I called each one to let them know that no matter how long it took I would pay them back. And each month I sent a small amount to pay down the debt.
For the next three years, I prayed with a freedom and confidence that God was not only blessing me, She was blessing all these companies, and that full compensation was their right. Another Bible verse was an inspiration to me during this time:
"...I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten..."
This applied to my vendors too.
During this time, I was offered a job that included developing a Website focused on spirituality. Oh my, God is good! All that I had learned during this period that seemed so dark to me -- the practical as well as the spiritual development -- was needed by this company to share with spiritual seekers around the world. What a blessing this turned out for me and millions of others.
And one day, I received a check for our shares from the company that had purchased the Web development company. It was enough to pay all the vendors what we owed them. With a heart so full of gratitude I sent off each check...days before Christmas.
You know how a total eclipse of the sun makes the day turn dark? But the sun doesn't go anywhere, and eventually and inevitably the light overcomes the darkness. To me, this is a metaphor of the light of the nature of God, the Christ, that comes to bless humanity. It is unconditional, regardless of anyone's faith tradition. The sun just shines for the whole world...so does the Christ.
Each of us who yearns to bless others with our abundance of care and joy embodies that light. It can never be taken from us, nor can we fail in striving to live it. The light of Christmas lightens the whole year.
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