Grits

Honor the woman you are

Hey, I am not just talking to the women out there -- this is a call to action for men, too. So keep reading. This is being played out in the workplace, in our communities and our world.

There is definitely something awakening in the collective consciousness right now. Just in the last week I have received three separate articles from friends (men and women) decrying the victimization of women here in the US. Before you dismiss these as "isolated" situations, read these articles and then think realistically about your own experience and where you have witnessed evidence of disrespect, intimidation, or objectification at work or in your community. Victimization of women is insidious and pervasive and it must be stopped.

The first article was an Op-Ed in the New York Times by well-known author Bob Herbert entitled "Why aren't we shocked?". He recounts mainstream examples of misogyny that we as a society not only accept but flaunt. But the tipping point for Herbert was the two violent attacks on the schoolchildren in Pennsylvania and Colorado. In both cases the killers separated the girls from the boys. Then they molested, shot and killed many of the girls.

Shocking as the attacks were, why, Herbert asks, was the nation not outraged at the blatant "genderism"? If the kids were separated by religion or race, we would have seen the attacks for what they were: out and out hate crimes, which would have catapulted our society into action against this bigotry. But....today there is nothing. There is a horrible context for these crimes, a terrible influence that is not being addressed.

In the same week in the New York Times was a kinda-sorta humorous column (with a depressing message) on trying to find an adult Halloween costume at Target, Wal-Mart and K-Mart. "Halloween on Heels" describes how, in three prototypical mainstream department stores the author, Alison Glock only found women's costumes that were over-the-top sexy/tarty versions of French Maid, Cheerleader, Tavern Lady, etc. Hello! These are not adult bookstores! What message are we sending to our girls...and boys?

There is one more article I want to share because this one, to me, identifies a particular source (by no means the only one) for violence against women and how it is played out on the global scene. This is from the Washington Post: Clothes Aren't the Issue. The author is Asra Q. Nomani and while she is writing specifically about Islam, the message is for all societies. She says, "As long as the beating of women is acceptable in Islam, the problem of suicide bombers, jihadists and others who espouse violence will not go away; to me, they form part of a continuum."

Ask yourself, "What are my sources for my behavior? What am I accepting or going along with?"

OK, maybe these are hitting me hard because I have been thinking a lot about an underlying dimension of the HP scandal (I wrote recently about the ethics violations) that has NOT been discussed. Carly Fiorina (fomer CEO) and Patricia Dunn (former Chairman) were both dismissed by a predominantly male Board of Directors who played -- by many accounts -- hardball politics.

Now, before you dismiss this as simply "life in the big city," think again about what are the typical characteristics of the rules in the "big city". In fact, Carly mentions in her recent autobiography that when she joined the sales department of another big company (as one of the few women) the salesmen took her to a strip club for lunch to see what she would do. She says she went along, sucked it up, didn't lose her composure and evidently earned the respect of her male colleagues as a result.

Huh? Don't you think it's time for the rules to change?

Any situation -- work, community, home -- where the standard operating rules are harsh, intimidating, disrespectful and humiliating, the rules MUST change.

Big order...change the rules, change society. Phew. How to start? Here is one woman's opinion. Start with yourself.

Think about the qualities of your favorite women-friends. The qualities they are never afraid or intimidated to express. I am talking caring, generous, sensitive, courageous, thoughtful, compassionate. There are way more. Now, of course these qualities are not exclusive to women. In fact, when I think about all the good qualities of women AND men I believe they all come from one Source, the Creator, the Spirit of all living beings. Therefore, we ALL possess these qualities and creations of Spirit. But more often than not, women have an easier time expressing these qualities.

But I must ACTIVELY honor these qualities, in order for them to be made evident by myself and valued by others.They are essential to the ongoing health of companies and societies. The success of a civilization most certainly depends on how it treats and honors its women. I will not allow myself or others to write off these qualities as weak or invaluable. I will look for ways to express more of them in my life and work. I will look for and value these qualities in others (men and women). I will look for the wholeness of men and women by seeing the equal importance of all of Spirit's good qualities.

The characteristics of disrespect, intimidation, cruelty, humiliation are not qualities of Spirit. Therefore I will not ignore or succumb to them wherever I see them. I will mentally counter them with the true and good qualities of woman+man. In my world -- and one by one, woman by woman in all the world -- the ugly, dis-Spirited characteristics will cease to have power over humanity.

Will you stand with me and honor the woman in you...and everywhere?

“This cannot be God’s way.”

In yesterday’s New York Times Magazine was a short story written by a Muslim Iraqi who was held hostage for several weeks in 2004. He was captured, along with two Italians, at the Italian office of a humanitarian organization. They were helping to rebuild schools, water-treatment plants and hospitals.

To me, in many ways this story sounds like others: Iraqi national kidnapped and tortured because he is working with the Westerners, which must mean (according to his captors) he is working against Islam. If he isn’t working against Islam, then he must be working against the Sunnis or the Shi’ites. Whatever, it is all bad. This guy, along with many other hostages, is definitely behind the eight-ball.

But this isn't only a story about being captured, tortured, released. 

This fellow, Raad Ali Abdulaziz, states right up front that all he wanted to do was make a difference.  His chosen path was through a job as an engineer, to help build/rebuild the infrastructure of his native country.

I wonder how many of us feel that compelling desire in our daily work, that yearning to help humanity in some way? From moving pebbles to mountains, it is all important – and most certainly needed, wherever we are and whatever career path we have chosen.

When Raad is challenged as to which side he is on – Sunni or Shi’ite – he says he is a Muslim who doesn’t believe in breaking up Islam that way...he might as well have said he didn’t believe in breaking up God that way.

The experience – and the two years following as he and his family left everything behind in Iraq to start over in Europe – are still painful to Raad. But he says that there is a memory that transcends all of it: during the most critical moments he had a “strange feeling” and that something told him that he would not die because he had an unfinished task.

To rebuild by being a better engineer? No, something even better.

Raad wants to work to make his voice louder than the voice of those who order Muslims to fight all infidels – those who do not believe in Islam. “This,” says Raad, “cannot be God’s way.”

I believe that what Raad heard in his deepest, darkest moments – and still hears – is what the Bible refers to as “the still, small voice” of God. This voice urges all of His children to do good for each other, to build – not destroy, to heal pain – not inflict, and to take a stand against the forces of destruction.

Are we listening like Raad is? Every day this voice speaks, urging each of us to make choices based on love and compassion for one another. Yes, this is the Golden Rule operating, sustaining, fulfilling.

For most of us, our daily choices are not global decisions, but they most certainly have an impact in our personal world, whether it is work, family or community.

Let’s each of us make our way one of love, hope, healing. This is God’s way.

Unconditionally ethical

OMG, I just read a news item about the Hewlett Packard spying effort that stated that the private investigators (is that an oxymoron?) sent the complete report describing their covert and possibly criminal investigations to the HP ETHICS Director!!

And no, the Ethics Director did not blow the whistle on this...an outside Board Director did. Is it just me or does anyone else find this just a bit, ummm, ironic?

How can an Ethics function include the tactics of sending emails with spyware to specific individuals to track their keystrokes, "obtaining" (hey, isn't that stealing if it doesn't belong to you?) individuals' social security numbers to impersonate them in order to get private information from AT&T, and physical surveillance of relatives of HP Directors?

Evidently, the BIg Heads (the Ethics director as well as senior management) felt that the "egregious" leaks emanating from the Director deliberations over several years was enough reason to justify actions that many experts now are saying are illegal.

Even IF they aren't illegal, don't they fail the smell test?

Well, evidently I am out of touch with corporate America. Because in a recent study by Ponemon Institute, 85% of corporate directors surveyed believe that the "sanctity of boardroom discussions is more important than protecting their privacy rights." And 50% of them felt that the tactics used by HP were totally ok....as long as they aren't deemed illegal in the upcoming investigation. IOW, right now they aren't sure if they are technically illegal so it is ok to do it...and they would do it.

OK, color me confused, but I have always thought that "ethics" included moral principles above and around the law...you know, like following the Golden Rule. It's technically not breaking a State or Federal law if you don't treat your neighbor as you would yourself but sheesh, the whole foundation of the rule of law is that everyone is treated equally, fairly, without prejuidice. IOW, even when YOU dont treat your neighbor as you would yourself, the law treats you and your neighbor the same.

So! Returning to the corporate directors of corporate America, evidently they are ok with their corporate internal neighbors spying on them in the interest of their corporation's privacy. But how would they feel if another (outside) corporate board authorized the same tactics to spy on their personal lives? With ethics you can't make "conditions." Like, "yes it is ok to spy and ignore privacy rights because the BIGGER right is keeping the Boardroom private. But outside the Boardroom my privacy rights are paramount." Huh?

The Golden Rule isn't complicated. In fact, acknowledging its supremacy in daily decision-making eliminates a lot of the false suppositions that confuse and deter us from doing what we know in our hearts is the right thing to do. The inner compass in each of us is natural, it is put there in our individual identities as creations of the One Creator. This is our moral and spiritual DNA.

What confuses us and gets us off track? Fear, hatred, selfishness. But these are not in our spiritual DNA. What is? A favorite ethicist of mine, Mary Baker Eddy, wrote this over 100 years ago:

Let unselfishness, goodness, mercy, justice, health, holiness, love -- the kingdom of heaven -- reign with us...

With these qualities as our moral compass, how can we be confused and make unethical or even illegal decisions? Every employee can be an "ethics director" in his/her job.

Severe (Red) Alert: what if it was your workplace?

What goes through your mind if your workplace is designated by the Department of Homeland Security as "Severe (Red)", the highest (worst) terror threat alert possible?

That's what happened to all airline personnel on flights leaving Britain for the United States today. If you were one of the thousands of workers -- pilots, cabin staff, ground crews -- what would you be thinking? And if you are not one of the workers, what are you thinking right now?: oooh, how awful...glad I don't work for the airlines...glad I am not flying today?

Here's what I am thinking. There are a lot of people who sign up to be on the frontlines of protecting people from attacks of every kind and they deserve our deepest gratitude and devoted prayers: law enforcement, fire departments, paramedics, the military. But c'mon, airline pilots and cabin stewards? These are everyday jobs, just like the kind you and I have. So I am thinking -- and praying -- a lot right now for airline employees as if they were my colleagues in my workplace.

To me, the whole universe is created and ordered by divine Spirit. And this Spirit, this divine Intelligence, only creates good, life, love.  All the effects or manifestations from this divine creation provide the spiritual atmosphere in which we live. Since this Mind-ful environment is created, defined, circumscribed, and maintained by the all-powerful Spirit, what can possibly penetrate or disrupt or even destroy this environment?

It is kind of like the law of gravity or aerodynamics: you can't change it, you can't stop it, you can't prevent it...and try flying without it! We depend on it to function. Similarly this is how the law of Spirit functions, the law of harmonious being, which supercedes even the law of gravity. It is unchangeable and impermeable and it affects every living thing.

Praying in this way is an affirmation to me of the assured safety of airline personnel and their passengers. They are divinely protected by this law of being.

I am also praying to know without a doubt that whatever is opposed to this law of harmony will be seen and eliminated. This is a natural consequence of being so clear about what is right and true and good that whatever isn't becomes really obvious!

Think about solving a math equation: you learn about what works and you are clear about the law that provides the right results. No doubts. So when you see something in the equation that doesn't work, you spot it right away and eliminate it. But if you didn't really know the good and true, you wouldn't be able to spot the false. So it is really important to be clear about what is right.

Law enforcement personnel are focusing on what is right and good for the airlines and for passengers. They are not confused or muddled or wishy-washy. They are surrounded by the atmosphere of divine Spirit and intelligence. They are alert to whatever doesn't conform to the standard of right activity. From the Spirit within their true selves, they can and will see whatever is opposed to the law of harmony. And they will eliminate it.

Airline personnel, passengers and law enforcement employees are held and uplifted by the hands of the Almighty Spirit. This is the law of Life.

Arresting violence...in Bombay and your hometown.

I have been really thinking about how to pray about the Bombay commuter train bombings. It's been hard -- I have imagined how the typical commuting scene is played out in any city around the globe. You are just going to work, thinking about the meetings you need to get ready for or the projects you have to complete...and, suddenly you are the target -- and victim -- of someone's hatred. Through no fault of your own. It's so -- random. How do you defend yourself against senseless violence?

Several years ago, my advertising agency was the target of a firebomb. Not at all on the same level as the Bombay bombing...but for my 15 employees, it was pretty scary all the same and could have had disastrous results.

It was right after lunchtime, and I heard someone yell, "There's a firebomb in the stairwell!"

I ran out of my office, along with several employees, to see what was going on . There it was. On the landing, two flights up from the main entrance of my advertising agency: a glass bottle filled with gasoline and a burning cigarette that had been knocked off its position.

"Somebody please call the police," I said, as the employees nervously speculated as to who would do such a thing and why. Unless somebody really didn't like our commecials, there was no logical reason why the agency would be targeted. What occurred to me at that moment was there was no logical reason for violence at all! While we waited for the police to show up, I went back to my office to figure out what to do.

I wanted my staff to feel protected, no matter what was going on outside our door. I wanted peace and order to be the stronger force, not rage and violence. And I wanted to feel safe. But at this moment I didn't know how.

So I turned to the one source for help that has always come through for me: God, the force of all Life, who has the power and willingness to give me an answer of peace.

And sure enough, the ideas started flowing: How could we not be safe in the omnipresence of divine Love? How could there be any other power? Nothing could overcome the supreme and universal law of harmony and goodness.

Now the question became: how to become more convinced of these spiritual facts than of the physical threat that seemed so close and so real?

From my Bible study and experience in my life I knew the answer would come by focusing on the spiritual facts and not letting the physical picture dominate my thinking. I knew that if I did this sincerely and trustingly, I would get some evidence of the peace and harmony associated with the underlying spiritual reality. For me, this is prayer. So, that is what I did.

In the middle of all this, the police came. They said the paraphenalia on the stairs looked a lot like the evidence of several arson fires in the city in the past several weeks. What occurred to me then was that this kind of destructive activity had to be arrested for the safety and protection of the whole community. And this would come about through the action of the divine law that overrides any thought out of sync with God's goodness.

Well, here was something I could really do to help my staff AND the city. Instead of being afraid, feeling vulnerable to random violent acts, distrusting people, I could work to change my own fearful thoughts - fears that were probably the same as my employees' -- and secure them with a fresh conviction that God's love is the only force motivating and protecting all of us in any situation.

So, arresting violence needed to start with my own thinking. I needed to exert more discipline over my thoughts, to confirm them to what I knew to be spiritually true. I couldnt just let them run wild, stampeded by "what-ifs". I also had to strengthen my belief that whatever disturbed mind would perpetrate these fires, would NOT be able to escape the correction enforced by divine law.

I prayed this way continously for my staff and the community over the next several days. My fear evaporated and soon the atmosphere in the office settled into the normal work pace with no more concern. Within the week, the police called to say that they had arrested someone who turned out to be the perpetrator, thanks to a fingerprint left on the evidence in our office. The evidence also indicated this was the arsonist responsible for the other fires as well.

That experience of the bomb in the stairwell has prompted me to pray for the safety and protection of those who may feel vulnerable to attack, including the Bombay commuters. I figure I have an ongoing responsibility to be a peacemaker through prayer. For me, this means I can begin to police my own thoughts and arresting any ideas that would contradict God's universal and unfailing love for all.

"This is a wonderful day!"

Jill Carroll was released from captivity today. Jill, a reporter for the Christian Science Monitor, was kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents almost 3 months ago. David Cook, Washington Bureau chief of the Monitor, said "This is a wonderful day!" when he heard the news. A former colleague of Jill's at the Jordan Times, Natasha Tynes said "...our prayers have been answered."

Prayer has been a constant for thousands of people around the world. Christians, Jews, Muslims, all faiths, have joined together to pray for her safety and release. And this has led to extraordinary practical efforts by political, non-political, NGOs and even inter-faith groups from many countries to join hands and make strong appeals, both public and private. The US Government, the Iraqi government, the Christian Science Monitor, the Jordan Times, Reporters Without Borders, Inter-Faith group of Detroit (large Muslim community) are just a few groups who have steadfastly persevered to get Jill freed. 

I woke up this morning thinking about Spirit (this is another way of describing God to me) and the divine quality of "steadfastness." It is a thing I really try to do every morning before I get up: think about a quality of Spirit, then think about how that must be reflected by the creation that Spirit made...which includes all of mankind and even me! Through the day, then, i think about it and very very often it helps me bring a spiritual perspective specifically to a problem I am working on or some news event I see.

So when I saw on the news this morning about Jill I immediately thought of "steadfastness." Many times during the last 3 months I have joined others in prayer for Jill. About a month ago I remember thinking, "Time has nothing to do with changing anything about who Jill is as a child of God or how safe she is in Her care. Her life is the same today as it was two months ago or even a year ago." And I also prayed for myself to be steadfast in affirming this about Jill's life.

The notion of "time" really turns things inside out and adds a negative dimension. When you eliminate time from working out problems, a lot of the stress goes away and you can think more in the present, in the NOW. Like, "She's been held captive for 3 months...its too long," or "I have been sick too long," or "I have been stuck in this job for too long."  How much better to focus on just the now, like "Right now God loves me and wants only good for me at this very moment." Then, being steadfast to just the present, just what you know is right now, can keep you in series of moments that are good, positive and uplifting. No time element, just now.

Some years ago I was working on a project that seemed to go on forever and wasn't productive. Every attempt made to close it out just didn't work and I was unhappy with the lack of progress. I got to thinking, "this has been going on for months just the same and all I can see is more months of this." I really got caught up in the time factor because that made it even worse. I was stuck.

So I prayed. I prayed to listen to whatever God wanted me to know at that moment. I pushed out all the unhappy, stressful thoughts and just listened. What came to me was Patience. But not patience IN time, Patience without any concept of time. Like, get rid of the time element and know that patience means waiting on God to move, adjust, reveal whatever needs to be moved, adjusted, revealed. In God's "time", not mine. And if it is in God's time, then there can be no suffering, no sacrifice, no loss of any kind.

One of my most influential spiritual authors, Mary Baker Eddy, writes a lot about patience. And usually includes it with the idea of unconditional love. So, patience with love is way more peaceful and uplifting than patience with time!

This totally released all the stress and unhappiness I was feeling about this project. Each day I listened for what new activity I could do, on this project or other projects. And new things came to me to do. I was active, productive and happy. Within a month or so, the project was closed out, to everyone's satisfaction.

Mario Tosto, who writes a blog called Godbert, wrote a poem that sums up very simply the joy of steadfastness and patient waiting with joy:

Praying with patience
is waiting without time,
Resting in the
Center
Of that which never changes,
For the change that
Must come.

Every day that is steadfast with unconditional love, living in the moment of love, is a wonderful day.

Comfort in Distress

I woke up in the middle of the night with one thought: comfort. And instantly I knew why. The video and pictures of Jill Carroll, captive journalist in Iraq, showed her crying and evidently asking for the release of the remaining Iraqi women held in local jails. I ached to put my arms around her and comfort her.

It is too painful to think what her mother -- what any mother -- wants to do when their dear child is in distress and they are too far away to hold and care for the child.

In times of despair like this, I mentally climb to a quiet place where I ask myself, What is God doing about this?

A refrain from the Messiah (from Isaiah in the Old Testament) came to me, "Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God." The Message Bible describes the chapter (Isaiah 40) that this verse begins as messages of comfort in order to prepare for God's arrival. This made me consider that God, the Spirit, of all living things, sends comfort to Her creation. Of course She would, I thought, She is Love itself...the essence of Mother-Love.

If a human mother yearns to comfort her child in pain, would not the Mother Love do the same? And would not this all powerful Love have an effect? There is no other power to contest Her to prevent Her from wrapping a spiritual cloak around Her loved ones....all her loved ones.

A favorite spiritual resource of mine, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, describes for me the effect of this Mother Love: 

Spirit blesses man, but man cannot "tell whence it cometh." By it the sick are healed, the sorrowing are comforted, and the sinning are reformed. These are the effects of one universal God...

One universal Spirit, actively comforting all of Her loved children in every situation: Jill, her mom, her family, friends, colleagues, and yes Iraqis.

This comforts me.

Work with Spirit, as if your life depended on it.

I've had great jobs and bad jobs. No matter what kind of job they were, I threw myself into making a success at them. But not one of them asked me to sacrifice my life.

Jill Carroll, the journalist for the Christian Science Monitor who was kidnapped and has been held hostage by an Iraq insurgent group, the Brigades of Vengeance, since January 7 has redefined what it means to commit yourself to your job. By all reports from her colleagues, at the Monitor and The Jordan Times (Amman), reporting on the people and events in the turmoil that is the Middle East is a personal mission, a cause. Her love for the Iraqi people in these traumatic times led her to the heart of the conflict. To do her job? To fulfill her destiny, I think.

I am praying for Jill with all my heart. She is a model to me, an example of bringing your whole self to a noble effort without a guarantee of success. But you know what? She has already been successful:  she has brought together a world of people -- Colleagues, Christians, Jews, Muslims, caring people of all kinds -- to work together, and pray together, for her release.

In my daily prayer for Jill, I affirm that there is only one supreme government that trumps all national and tribal governments: the government of the Creator, the Supreme Spirit. This government is living, working, moving, guiding, guarding all of its ideas with Love, not hate, good, not evil.

Since Jill is the loved creation of the Creator, then she is guided by Her, guarded by Her. She cannot be a victim or held captive by any other power. What can oppose the all-powerful Creator?

One morning when I was pondering this and really wanting to believe it to be true and the law of all life, I had a surprising thought. If all life is created by Spirit and is loved by Her, then that must include the very people who have captured Jill. And that made me realize that THEY are the ones who are captive, held hostage and imprisoned by their evil thoughts. They must be liberated from violence too.

Jill is innocent. Her love for humanity has made her free from evil and violence. If I am to walk with Jill and with my whole heart, I must walk in the Spirit and love unconditionally all the Iraqi people. This is a life of freedom for all.